Buntis Chronicles: Week 7

He cradles babies in His strong arms and lovingly forms them in
His creative hands. Credits to advancedphotography.net.

Week 7. Or more like Week 6.

I was at Kaiser yesterday for a last-minute second ultrasound with my OB, Dr. Sharyl Hardiman. Good thing she agreed to schedule me for one as my last few days at work had been full of anxiety for me what with the back pain and lower abdomen strain from standing almost all day and dealing with challenging people.

The anxiety, however, did not end upon my resignation. Expecting at almost 7 weeks to see and hear a fetal heartbeat, there was none. We only saw a much bigger gestational sac and (what I still believe as my baby) a yolk sac. There was no fetal pole and the gestational age (GA) only measured at 5 weeks, 6 days  -  exactly a week off my measurement if based on my last menstrual period (LMP at 6 weeks, 6 days)!

Almost immediately, I was on Google mode, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Luckily, my OB, being the conservative that she says she is, did not say anything about D&C procedures (dilation and curettage, a.k.a. forced abortion) or anything else gloomy. She only delivered a very effective and safe spiel: "I'm sorry it was not the news you were hoping for." She also agreed with me that my irregular menstrual cycle and crazy ovulation could be the reason why the previous dating was off (a week and four days ago prior to said appointment, my LMP was at 5 weeks, 2 days and the gestational age at 5 weeks, 1 day).

Google, like my best friend, presented dozens and dozens of similar questions with positive answers. Like my worst enemy, it also presented a handful of responses that seem so rare and few but are so effective at freaking out a pregnant woman.

Just to get it off my system, similar to said gloomy responses was this: A former schoolmate, a week and a half ago, almost immediately sent me a private message in response to my not-so-discreet Facebook announcement that I was expecting. She told me to try to not be too overwhelmed by the response from friends and families I had been getting as so many things could happen in the next few weeks of my early pregnancy; that it was while working as a teller in an environment similar to what I described earlier in this blog that she lost her baby with no signs or symptoms (no bleeding or severe cramping, just a fetus with no heartbeat).

Naturally, said message felt like a storm (not a rain) on my parade. I obsessed (and still am obsessing) for days about it. News of other tellers miscarrying while on the job also contributed to my anxiety. The peak days of May and June (last day of May and first two days of June), however, became the final straw for me. Ordinarily, days like such that are filled with long lines and challenging customers and colleagues were tolerable for me. Pregnant Me said, no, shouted, otherwise.

Looking back, I still do not regret both my Facebook announcement and my resignation. The announcement was an open praise and gratitude to God as I thought I could not conceive naturally. The resignation from a job that I thought I was handling well was a way to take good care of this blessing that I received from Him.

As for Google's good news? Well, it turns out, IF I am (and I DO BELIEVE I AM) one of the many who belong in what turns out to be an ordinary situation for expecting women with irregular ovulation and menstrual cycles, then the baby, my baby is doing just fine. At 5 weeks gestational age, it's natural to see only a yolk sac inside a gestational sac. It means that our little baby is just a wonderful late bloomer, slow and shy but wonderful just the same.

Such then explains why at 5 weeks 2 days LMP and 5 weeks 1 day GA, we only saw a gestational sac with a little dot inside thought of as the yolk sac roughly measuring 1 mm; that my GA a week and a half ago could either still be accurate and the development was just slow OR it was just wrong and off at dating (ultrasound inaccuracy in dating at early pregnancy does happen!).

I have my original second routine appointment in a week. So what to make of this waiting game? I guess I just have to count my blessings to ward off the negative thoughts in my head:

• With the yolk sac in place, a blighted ovum is definitely out of the question!
• With my uterus thickening as per my OB, an ectopic pregnancy is also out of the question!
• With no bleeding or spotting and no severe cramping and with my HCG increasing (from 11K on May 30 to 14K on June 1 and 20K on June 3), I'm almost very sure that a molar pregnancy is also about to be kicked to the curb!

Anyway, let me end this blog by saying that I am keeping the faith. Last Sunday's mass struck me with this message from Him:

"Give thanks to the Lord who masters the winds

and the raging seas for He, alone,

is the perfect reason, the perfect timing."