Why I Am On This Weight Loss Journey

It's my unofficial day off today or the extension of my official days off (called in sick due to a pulled lower back muscle... ouch!). During the latter, I had a couple of aunts and a couple of friends who expressed two very different opinions regarding my progress: one group said I could push further down to 120 lbs for my ideal weight (instead of my goal of 125 lbs) and one group said "tama na" (stop already).

Before I express my decision and thoughts about those, let me tell you a story:

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who weighed "just right" and had two overweight parents. She was told her mom gained weight due to pregnancy. Overtime, when her mom quit her job to become a full-time housewife and mother, she learned that it was because of the latter. And liters of Coke. As for her dad, she had learned to passively accept that people like him gain the weight with age. The passive acceptance, however, turned to fear, when she learned at 15 that her father was diagnosed with diabetes.

Both of these parents of hers used to be really slim. During her puberty years, her mom told her she passed on to her genes that produce more-than-the-average-size breasts. Those genes worked to her advantage when, upon graduating from high school, she got invited to represent her community in her city's local beauty pageant. She placed 2nd. Or 1st runner-up. She was almost 17, 5 foot 3 inches and 117 lbs. The year was 2001.

When she entered college months after the beauty pageant, she gained about 5-8 lbs. It was her first time to realize how much 5-8 lbs can change one's image to people. She thought she still looked fine and was still within the ideal weight range for her height and age and yet, to people, a 5-8 lb-weight gain is a disappointment. In June 2001, she was between 122-125 lbs.

Once she graduated from college in 2005, she entered the workforce as a part-time call center agent in the morning. In the afternoon, all the way to 9 pm, she's back in school, studying law as a post-graduate degree. She didn't really like coffee so much so for four years in the call center industry and just a year in law school, she sought refuge in food to keep her awake and energized. In 2007, she complained to her friends of being 150 lbs.

In 2008, almost two years after her mom died with diabetic coma (yes, diabetes) as the primary cause, her politically active news writer of a father was diagnosed with end-stage kidney failure due to his 15-year-old diabetes.

It's also in the same year that she met her then future husband. He accepted her even if she admitted to him that she's overweight and was heavier than him. He didn't mind that he's taller and more active in the gym. In August of that year, he invited her to an "international romantic date" in Disneyworld. From there, they travelled to where he lives in California. At one of the mall bathroom weighing scales during one fine day in August of 2008, she found out she was 169 lbs.

2009 came and her weight reached 175 lbs. Her man proposed on Christmas Day in 2008 and she knew she needed to lose some LBs. It was a promise to her wedding couturier that brought a 6-lb weight loss on her wedding day. On January 24, 2010, she was 5'3, and a 169-lb bride.

When her 6-month stay in the US on a tourist visa came to an end, she brought back to her native country not only prayers for a speedy immigrant visa processing but 16 extra pounds of which, gave her acid reflux, and, according to her OB-GYN, prevented her from conceiving immediately. She was told not to worry so much; that if she and her husband had already been trying for a year and nothing happened, that's when she should start thinking of treatments.

Having nothing else to do during the year-long processing of her papers aside from taking care of her sick father, she thought of enrolling at a gym just 4 minutes away, on foot, from their house. She took baby steps, steps that progressed to leaps when her required medical exam for the visa came closer. She had heard of horror stories about people either getting the processing of their papers delayed or their applications denied due to various health conditions so she changed certain things where her diet and activity were concerned.

For her breakfast and dinner, instead of eating rice with viand, she replaced rice with oatmeal (oats cooked to the consistency/stickiness of rice). Her only meal with rice was during lunch. Thirty minutes after dinner, she would head down to the gym.

The lifestyle change paid off: She passed the medical exam. In July 2011, she went back to California at a lighter weight of 155 lbs.

A month passed and her hormones went awry. It was her first time to experience irregular menstrual cycles. She was told it's due to either the change in environment or her rapid weight loss. Or both.

When she was finally with a job, her weight shot up 10 lbs. Her state ID indicated that she was 165 lbs.

It was at 165 lbs in May of 2012 that she found she was 5 weeks pregnant. She immediately submitted a notice of resignation as the happiness of finally conceiving was more important to her and her husband. The happiness didn't last though as she eventually lost the pregnancy due to a missed miscarriage. She had a D&C on June 30 during which, her declared weight in the hospital form was 175 lbs.

In August, a month before renewing her gym membership, she was at 180 lbs. She prepped for her return to the gym by doing at least 60 spread-out body squats daily. She also stuck to having no more than 3 cups of rice per day and on some days, cut it to two cups due to her oatmeal arrozcaldo (see my oatmeal arrozcaldo blog entry*****) breakfast.

In September of 2012, she and her husband went to Las Vegas. Because she had already started calorie counting via Livestrong's MyPlate iPhone app, imagine being in the Sin City, gluttony and all, eating only in Panda Express due to their disclosed nutritional info and out of Cheesecake Factory's Skinnylicious Menu! By the end of that month, she was down to 177 lbs.

Months passed and another vacation opportunity arrived: They were headed to New York in the second week of December! She knew this would take her away from her calorie counting app so she worked extremely hard to get to a low weight, a weight that's low enough to accommodate reasonable holiday weight gain. A few hours before her flight on December 14, she was still huffing and puffing at the gym. She was 151 lbs.

The vacation was actually her husband's business trip so while he was at the office, she was at the hotel gym, trying to burn the calories that racked up during their dinner adventures in New York. By the end of the trip a day before Christmas of 2012, she was 153 lbs.

The first day of 2013 came and she's down to 150 lbs. 150 lbs! Her husband had never seen her that light, ever! It was supposedly a 3rd wedding anniversary to her husband: for him to see her that light! The "gift" came 23 days early!

On January 3, she started working for a new company. She had to tell the administrative officer if she could change her declared weight when she signed the contract in November (165 lbs). Her new weight on that day? 149 lbs.

It was also on January 3 that she tried on various pieces of uniform from the office stock room. She was given several pieces to wear while waiting for the arrival of her ordered uniform, if she ordered at all.

A week later, during her fingerprinting, at the security office she had to request another weight change. She explained to the officer that she had already lost 3 lbs ever since her start date. She was asked if it's because of stress on the job. She said that she's merely actively trying to lose weight and that walking more than 10,000 steps/day because of her new role contributed to it.

Another week passed and she received a letter from the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) that her state ID had been cancelled. She knew and eventually confirmed that it was inadvertently/mistakenly cancelled due to a typographical error. Her trip to DMV was a stressful 2-hour weight that was only made okay by the fact that she was able to change her declared weight of 165 lbs on her old ID to 145 lbs.

It's now the end of January. She still has not ordered her uniform. She figures, she's only going to order once she's between 120-135 lbs. She can pay for alteration any time on her already loose temporary uniform. She called in sick due to a pulled lower back muscle (she blames the squats she did the other day). She's 138.4 lbs now. No longer either obese or overweight; finally in the regular weight range.

The end.......

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is nowhere to be seen yet. My stand on what should be my goal weight now that I'm 138.4 lbs? For starters, I'm 3.4 lbs away from my first goal weight of 135 lbs. Which makes me 13.4 lbs away from my current goal weight of 125 or 18.4 lbs away from my aunts' 120-lb campaign. Well, it actually all depends on whether or not I become pregnant. For each day that I learn I am not pregnant, I feel like I'm always in a marathon: I run faster, jump higher, squat lower, lift heavier in order to get to a low enough weight that's ideal for pregnancy and for my health.

So yes. I'm trying to lose weight to become pregnant again. I'm trying to lose weight to accommodate, just like last Christmas, a healthy or a reasonable enough weight gain once I successfully conceive again. More importantly, I'm trying to lose weight and have a sustainable and healthy lifestyle change for my own health  - a health that I consider as my most important tool in living longer for my loved ones who need me and who love me.